Enter · as · you · will..

I bought a book from Borders, and then went to the local New Age store, Alexandria II. I am, unfortunately, at work and don't exactly want to produce a bunch of Witchcraft/Shamanism books in the middle of the busy breakroom.

Either way, I erected a makeshift altar in my room. I am intent on learning more and more about Shamanism - and deliberately leave out the part in which hallucinogens and concoctions are involved. I think I'll make do just fine without having to chew on herbs.

So far, the book I'm delving into is fascinating. Truly amazing. It breaks down Shamanism and Wicca, and somehow combines it, making suggestions on how to interweave the two.

I'm keeping a portable Book of Shadows/journal. It's a tiny thing I got from Borders. I tote it around with my texts. I try to record my thoughts. I haven't yet truly meditated, though I fully plan to when I.. clean my room. Negative energies are probably festering. I really don't need that.

Once my brother moves all his junk from the adjoining room to mine, I'm going to perform a cleansing ritual to banish the negative aura and spirits. I'm then going to transform a section of the room into my sacred space and a place to store my tools, ceremonial garb, and books. I'll probably have a rug on which to lie and meditate, and a blindfold so I could journey without the intervention of light, and a CD player for me to listen to drumbeats. I may purchase a drum in the future. Until then recorded drumbeats will do.

I will look for my World Tree. It may be in the Old Town Pasadena park; it may be in my back yard. It may be that tree I refused to let my dad cut down in order for him to put a bench near the waterfall. It's a small thing, newly trimmed. I like it. I like its thin branches and narrow stump.

I should get off the breakroom computer. I think I'm getting glares.

Love all around.

Last night was a full moon. I hadn’t even known about it, until Abby said something. I would have happily done my ritual outside under the moon, but alas, the dogs were a slight problem. So it was done inside.

After the ritual, and even during, I felt so… relaxed. It’s difficult to express how nervous or how relieved I was to do an actual ritual by myself. I had written my own prayers and gone through a list of what I should do during it. I think I may have completely given the Elements and the directions entirely different places, but…. for the most part, I was confident.

I tripped over the sage and the incense when I started to draw the Circle. I stopped to fix this, and immediately realized my mistake. I shouldn’t stop no matter what the cost. Also, I need to make a bigger Circle, when on the floor. I should completely encase myself and the pentacle, candles, and altar cloth, whatever I use.

I'll do another ritual soon.

But first.. research and study.

I created my own prayers, which I think I'll revise later. I did a ritual on the floor, as there was more space.

I used our broom (and by ours, I mean mine and my best friend Abby's) to sweep away the negativity on my space. On the floor I had placed my pentacle bedspread and had the candles from our altar placed where I thought was appropriately around the pentacle. Then I set the God and Goddess candles down, along with some incense and sage (I only lit the insense), and began to cast my Circle.

I meditated during my ritual. I sat quietly and ignored the screams of the blue and gold macaw downstairs. I didn't think. I prayed and went on a journey. I had my eyes closed and my mind open. I could see the glow of the candles behind my eyes. I felt warm.

I sensed a certain calmness about me. When I had cast my Circle and settled myself for prayers, I felt a weight lifted. I had done the ritual with the intent of releasing stress. Mental stress, stress from home, and stress from school.

As I sat there, comfortable, I allowed myself to hear and becoem aware to everything around me. I could hear the trees rustle outside, the birds downstairs screech; I could smell the incense, the scent of my room, and feel the warmth of the candles.

I started to look deep inside. But as soon as I thought I had connected to a part of myself, I opened my eyes and the connection was lost.

I finished the ritual and placed down an offering.

I felt so much better, after the ritual. I had that feeling of accomplishment. I think I may have to play with my prayers and double check that the Elements are properly represented. But overall, it went very, very well.

If I didn't have dogs, I would've done the ritual outside, as it was a full moon last night. Unfortunately, I have two rambunctous animals in the back yard, so.. I don't think that would have gone over very well.

More to come.